I am depressed right now.

You see, I’m 34, single, no wife, no children, and live with my parents because I can only find part-time work.

I suppose that I should be thankful for what I have. But right now, I am really feeling sorry for myself, and may possibly kick myself for every lost opportunity that has slipped through my fingertips.

One of the things that I am really sad about happened about three years ago. I went to Cuernavaca, Morelos, Mexico in order to study Spanish. I stayed there for three weeks and studied at a Spanish immersion school. The first week I was there, I started to become paranoid further than belief – - I was worried to go anywhere or do anything. I was paranoid and depressed nearly all of the time, and I couldn’t seem to make any real friendships at the school, because nearly all of the students were around 18-21, while I was 31, so I never felt like I fit in with any of them. I learned a fantastic deal while I was there, which was excellent, but I feel like I drove so many people away because of my weird behavior.

I graduated from institution last year with a B.A. in Spanish, and got my license to teach it. But I feel like such a failure inside, because I feel like I screwed up the one time I had to study Spanish abroad. People were excellent to me while I was there, but I kept allowing depression and paranoid thoughts to get in the way, which drove a psychological wedge between me and potential friends. At the time, I was suffering from extreme forms of depression, which was made worse by the pressures of going to institution and the dread of not graduating.

Yet, right now, a year after I graduated SummaCumLaude from institution in 2008, I feel incredibly empty. And when I revisit those three weeks abroad during the summer of 2006, it makes me feel very sad and regretful for not enjoying that moment in my institution life. When I traveled to Mexico, I went entirely alone because I had no friends at institution. And when I got there, I felt so lonely again.

But this seems to be a perpetual pattern in my life. I am always lonely because most people want nothing to do with me on any meaningful level. I have tried counseling, psychiatrists, church, ect. but nothing seems to work any better than a bottle of wine.

What is so incorrect with me that nobody wants to have anything to do with me? I have tried to reach out and make friends, but nobody calls or emails me. I try to be friendly and myself, but it’s like whatever I do isn’t excellent enough for people to be my friend. I feel so depressed and hurt sometimes, the emotions really bring me down.

Whatever happened to the time when it wasn’t so hard to make and maintain meaningful friendships? What is incorrect with our world now?

Best answer:

Answer by jimmiemetz
its you. its me, it is life.
what is incorrect with our world now, is what has always been incorrect in this world.
i did not read your sob tale, just the first and last bits, man we all suffer.

What do you reflect? Answer not more than!